


close your eyes just for a moment (our fight’s not over yet)

by OsleyaKomWonkru



Series: The Rebirth of Octavia Blake [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Episode: s06e05 The Gospel of Josephine, Gen, Octavia Chooses to Live, POV Octavia Blake, Rebirth, Remembering the Dead, Wonkru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 07:39:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19080499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OsleyaKomWonkru/pseuds/OsleyaKomWonkru
Summary: Octavia knows their names. All of those who died, so others may live. In times of stress, of panic, when she needed to remember what she was fighting for, she'd recite them to herself.Now, as she sinks beneath the quicksand, she recites them for what could be the last time.





	close your eyes just for a moment (our fight’s not over yet)

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a little teaser, a short one-shot that comes before a longer chaptered fic that I have in the works, that will probably be canon-divergent from the end of 6x05. Or maybe canon-compliant? Maybe I've been able to mind-meld with the writers of the show? A girl can hope. I have so many IDEAS on where this season could go from here.
> 
> But since this fic will (obviously) be Octavia-centric, and the show rarely goes that way, alas it will probably remain in large part canon-divergent. Sigh. But I think this last episode was super important for Octavia, because after spending the entirety of the season up to the end of 6x05 in a suicidal state of mind, she's now chosen to live, and I think that is super important, and Diyoza pulling her out of the frozen quicksand was her rebirth. Things will finally start looking up for her now, that I have to believe.
> 
> Anyway, for now, enjoy this one, and the new fic will start posting by the end of the week!

Octavia stares into the flare for as long as she can, for as long as it stays back from her. She sees images flash by, she doesn’t know if this is her life flashing before her eyes or something yet unknown, but there are people she knows and people she doesn’t, memories she remembers and things she’s never seen.

But in that moment, she knows. She knows that she needs to live.

_I am not afraid,_ she thinks as she takes a deep breath and sinks beneath the surface as the flare flashes towards her, pressing a hand to the surface, hoping it’ll be enough to free her again.

Alone in her mind and holding her breath, Octavia remembers them. As she always does in moments of panic, moments of stress. Moments when she needs to remember the mission and remember why they all died.

_So that others could live._

And she starts.

_Thelonious Jaha._

She always starts with him. Even though he wasn’t the first to die. But he was the first she knew. The others, she only learned their names after. After she had to become a strong ruler. After she took down her own people to make them stand down.

_Cabor kom Delfikru. Leah Stowe. Quinn Hunt. Glenn Brooks. Sam Hardis. Fedor kom Azgeda. Dinar kom Sangedakru. Yachna kom Boudalankru…_

Every fight in the pit, every execution, Octavia remembered the names of those who died. They died so that others could live. So that Wonkru would live another day, another day closer to the chance to get back to the ground.

Then came the Dark Year.

_Kahlan kom Sangedakru. Anamay kom Podakru. Garet kom Ouskejonkru…_

Octavia hates guns. She wasn’t comfortable with them in the delinquents’ camp, and after Lincoln’s death, she’d sworn off them entirely. Then to have to play judge, jury and executioner that day in the cafeteria… she felt her own soul break as she broke her people’s will. Took away their choice. Took away their guilt and complicity in those horrible acts and made it her only her own. Made them blameless for what they needed to do to survive.

_Octavia Blake._

She doesn’t remember when her own name became a part of her benedictions. Sometime after she’d lost hope for herself. Sometime after one too many deaths to serve the many. When she believed her own soul beyond saving.

And now, when she can’t breathe, the quicksand closing in around her, clogging her nostrils, oozing into her mouth…

_Octavia is dead. She died when you killed Lincoln._

_Octavia is dead. She gave all of her humanity to save her people._

_Octavia is…_

The ice shatters. Someone’s pulling her out of the muck. _Diyoza came back._ She can breathe again.

Octavia is… _alive._

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from “Roardin” and “Here to Stay” by Marcela Bovio.


End file.
